07
Apr 12

Toms 10 Facts of Life

Rob Ballentine Art of Change 0 Comments

TomHoobyar

In Life there are some people worth knowing and a few worth un-knowing. Some years ago when I was putting together some of my NLP stuff I came across Tom.

I don’t remember where, or what though we exchanged a few emails and in one of his emails out to people he had written this.

Something about it touched me and I asked him if I could re-post it to my website on Maheono.com for others to read.

Tom recently passed away and so I’ve re-posted this here as a tribute to a great man with great oratory skills and down to earth practicatlity

I urge you also to visit tomhoobyar.com where his daughter Tracy has now taken the banner and read his and now her work that is inspiring and just down right – natural.

Rob

In Tribute to Tom Hoobyar

1. YOU ARE THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE; STAY THERE.

As a young sailor I learned that when you’re in a strange town, you take your corners wide and keep your hands out of your pockets. In other words, you need to stay balanced, alert and ready to react to surprises. Come to think of it, that’s a pretty good rule in ANY unfamiliar situation. Keep your balance and stay centred.

Human beliefs about reality are either arbitrary or accidental. Choose to be arbitrary when possible. It’s wise to choose beliefs that support health and happiness, so, whether or not things happen for a reason, I choose to believe that they do. It consoles me and makes me more resilient in dealing with life’s inevitable ups and downs.

There’s a reason why every spiritual tradition in history urges prayer and meditation — it’s an antidote to the confusions of life. Protect your personal boundaries and respect those of others. Pay attention to where you stop and others begin. Stay centred.

2. YOU EXPERIENCE LIFE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE.

This was told to me by a Bishop on a first class flight and a prostitute in Athens, years apart, and it’s true. We all have aches and pains, loves and fears. We breathe the same air, sit in the same traffic, see the same television, and walk the same earth. Although we’re fed a lot of junk about our differences, people everywhere have MUCH more in common than they have differences. If you focus on our commonalities, you’ll be more at ease and get along better with everyone.

3. YOUR ACTIONS ARE IN SERVICE OF FEAR OR LOVE. YOU CHOOSE.

Our actions are driven by either fear or love. Fear of consequences, real or imagined, accounts for a lot of human progress, and a WHOLE lot of human tragedy. Love on the other hand, drives us to invent, to create, to grow and to give. Think about which quality you want governing YOUR life.

4. NOBODY WAKES UP WANTING TO BE THE VILLAIN OF THE STORY.

Everybody is the “good guy” to themselves. Everyone is the star of their own movie and has reasons for what they do, even if it sucks, or doesn’t work, or is downright evil. So don’t waste time complaining about them — figure out how to manage, tolerate or avoid them.

5. “NOBODY DOES NUTTIN’.”

This means that most people are so distracted and disorganized that they only attend to the most essential, critical or familiar things in their lives. They are on “auto-pilot” most of the time — and are you so sure you’re not?

Your priorities are not theirs, so don’t take it personally when you’re overlooked, un-thanked and your call is not returned. Everyone listens to their favorite internal radio station — W.I.I.F.M. — standing for, “What’s In It For Me?” Self-interest is natural and healthy, and you can use this understanding to pilot yourself in and around other’s desires. Selfishness carried to an extreme, however, is a vice with a terrible price.

6. MOST PEOPLE ARE WORRIED THAT THEY’RE “UNZIPPED”.

Are you self-conscious? Most people are. They’re walking around, worried that people may notice their missing button, their bad hairdo, their poor credit, and their general shortcomings. And they will appreciate the person who makes it clear, in word and deed, that they’re just fine as they are. Nobody’s perfect. The biggest pretenders are the most insecure inside.

7. YOU MAKE YOUR HABITS — AND THEN YOUR HABITS MAKE YOU.

The biggest and most important influences in your life are created by little daily acts. Floss, save, exercise, meditate, say thank you, smile. Doing the right little thing at the right time can make more difference than a grand gesture performed too late. The most important qualities in life are managed by these regular acts done on a daily basis — spirituality, health, wealth, relationships, and the building of your personal character. All are created by daily habits — not some dramatic one-time gesture.

8. THERE IS A HELL — AND IT STARTS EARLY.

People map out their own personal Hell with moral shortcuts, regrets about lost opportunities, resentment and guilt. Then they add jealousy and envy, and they’ve entered Hell’s suburbs and are starting to lose all joy in life. Those who avoid doing anything that requires effort — physical exercise or forgiving or doing something for someone else — grow more narrow and less flexible day by day.

By the time they get to “downtown” Hell they’ve got a pretty bad attitude about almost everything, it seems like the world doesn’t love them. And they’re right — it doesn’t, because they’re toxic to be around . Pretty soon their immune system gets the message and their afflictions begin — their relationships are desolate and life becomes a drag. When they look ahead, their future looks just like their past. On and on. And that is Hell.

9. THERE IS A HEAVEN, AND HERE’S HOW TO CREATE IT.

When you choose this approach your life turns Heavenly, bit by bit. It doesn’t take much, just some daily attention. You invest in good memories, by choosing your daily behaviors so that you can enjoy looking back on your life.

You create your Heaven by small acts of generosity to others, making them smile and feel better. You create it by little acts of courage — doing the right thing when no one but you will ever know you did it. That brings self respect. You create it by telling the truth, even if it’s inconvenient or embarrassing. That brings credibility and trust. And makes you careful about what you do, or what you commit to doing.

You know you’re in Heaven’s neighbourhood when you notice the amazing number of things in life there are to be grateful for, even if your thanks are silent and private.

You build Heaven by stretching sometimes, to try something new or a little scary, and learning that you are more flexible than you thought. Humans are the most flexible beings on this planet, and it feels good when you fulfil your nature.

Then as you age, Heaven becomes a bigger influence in your life and on those around you. Your life expands even as your physical abilities contract. You laugh a lot, and enjoy more contentment and peace than you ever thought possible.

10. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE. YOU JUST NEED TO DECIDE!

You can turn your life around in a moment by simply deciding to make it better. You can learn something life-changing at any time and begin changing your life immediately.

Experience comes in moments — and the moments will keep coming for you until they finally stop. How do you want your next moments to be? It’s up to you.

Each moment is a gift and the chance to make a different choice comes to you each second. So choose, and let your life become a celebration.

Seeya,

Tom Hoobyar

Planning Director, NLP Comprehensive

(Excerpted from “Friendly Persuasion” and “The Wizard Behind The Curtain”, by Tom Hoobyar, Coming in 2006/7)

Article re-printed courtesy of Tom Hoobyar (Thank you )

16
May 11

Failure of Exercise & Dieting – NLP and Weightloss

Rob Ballentine Blog 0 Comments

dieting-exercise-nlp-spalsh

Exercise & Dieting

A failure in weight loss and health

This NLP video looks at the fundamental problem that faces most people when they come to try and lose weight and what to do about it.

Losing weight is not neccessarily an issue over what diet you choose, or what exercise program, but more fundamentally how you choose the right goal that is needed to understand what to do to help get the weight lost.

This played a key part in “M” helping her to change her life and do something that she never thought that she would. She is now enjoying and doing the exercise she knew she needed to do, but could not.

PLEASE NOTE: In M’s case (as you’ll see in the video) she was not motivated to ‘exercise’ even though medically she knew she had to. She had resisted for a long long time. Why? Because the case for her exercising to lose the weight, even though not doing it seriously affected her health, was not motivating enough to get her to go out walking let alone down the gymn.

This is because there is a fundamental flaw with the way in which we try to motivate ourselves by thinking that the ‘goal’ is the right one. In this case it was not and most commonly it is not for most people either. And this is why they try something like going down the gymn and either a) fail to start or b) fail to continue after 3-4 weeks.

M’ is now enjoying a healthy and active lifestyle doing exercise she once never thought that she would.

PS. I’m soon going to be releasing some free vidoes that walk you through exactly what we did. If you are interested, please add your Email Address & Name to the list below where soon Iwill give you link to a new page for you to get them for free. (posted 06/06/2011)

15
Apr 11

NLP In Business

Rob Ballentine Featured 0 Comments

beinchargecover

If 80% of Business Success is down to the people, how much do you think is down to the way in which the people perform?

And if the way in which the people perform is not matching the needs and strategy of the business, then how much of their performance needs to be changed to get the results required?

We do not believe that people need to be trained. That’s reserved for circus acts.

People do not perform like cats and dogs for biscuits. People perform because they are commited, inspired and motivated.

This is why we have worked with some of the clients you see in the picture, because we deliver perfomance based learning using Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Why NLP?

The question we ask is “Why do you think NLP can help you in your business?”

You may have heard of NLP or had some experience of it or even seen the effects of it. Though unless you understand ‘why’ it is you need it, then you’ll be paying to learn a system without addressing how it will specifically impact the business, people, performance and results.

This is why before we even want to work with you we need to understand ‘what it is that you want and need’. And only then will we say whether we can help you or refer you elsewhere if we can’t.

What Do We Do That Is Different?

Our main focus and aim in using NLP in business is to enable the way that people ‘think’. That is, to learn how to think differently when faced with obstacles and hurdles at work that affect their performance.

Most problems in work come down to ‘not knowing how to solve a presenting problem’. Whether this problem be of an interpersonal nature, strategy and leadership, motivation or even emotional. Therefore the first task is in identifying the specific nature of the problem.

The difference is in ‘how’ we arrive at the nature of the problem and then teaching people how to use the ‘untapped’ resources of their mind to effectively arrive at the solution.

After all – if most problems are a problem of the mind, then if we can solve the problem-of -the-mind, we therefore solve the problem and get what we want.

What To Do Next

The first step is to make contact by calling us on 01252 861351

or use the Contact Us form

The second step is to find out what it is you really want and need. This can either be done face to face or on the telephone.

Rob Ballentine

02
Apr 11

Kite Rides The Wind

Rob Ballentine Art of Change 0 Comments

kitesurf5med

Why You Can’t
Get What You Want

The secret of momentum
and movement to success

Change happens naturally. It’s a part of being human and it’s a part of being in existence.

The un-natural way of change is when you try and force the change you want, either change that’s from an addiction like smoking, drinking, drugs and food to confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, damaging beliefs and behaviours that no longer serve your needs today.

The problem is ‘the desire for change and to move away from the pain’ re-enforces the problem as you try and then fail. It makes the ‘problem’ more apparent.

In answer to this, a different solution is required. A solution that allows the change to happen naturally, easily.

Change Is Hard – or is it.

What is something that you’ve tried to change and you’ve tried as hard as possible to get the result you want? How much will power, effort and mental energy did you have to use to try and change it? What did you feel afterwards when you knew that you couldn’t?

Think of another example where you wanted to change and you did. How much will power, effort and mental energy did you have to use to get that change? What is the difference between the two?

What did you have to do in your mind to get what you want?

How much easier was it and why?

When you compare and contrast the two experiences you’ll notice differences in a) the way you ‘held’ the problem (obstacle you needed to overcome) b) the way you viewed the possibility of getting what you wanted (images and pictorial representations in your mind) and c) how you talked to yourself about getting what you wanted.

But these aren’t the only areas to compare and contrast nor how you necessarily created the experience to achieve what you wanted easily.

It Gets Harder

Have you ever pushed a car? It’s hard isn’t it.

Once the car has begun to move it becomes easier doesn’t it.

The initial energy required to overcome the inertia of a standing obstacle is greater than the energy required to move a moving obstacle. This is because the moving obstacle has its own momentum and energy that it gained from you.

To put it another way, a large proportion of your initial energy that was used to overcome the resistance of weight and friction was transferred to the object. Therefore any further energy required to move the object is less after having overcome the greatest amount of resistance (weight and friction).

Pulling is easier than pushing because as you push, part of the force you use is directed towards the ground (in essence your trying to push the car into the earth to push the world!) this creates greater resistance than if you pull. Take the wheels off the car and the distance you’d be able to move it would be minuscule. And after you’ve finished pushing, the car would look as if it hadn’t even budged a millimetre.

What we can learn from this simple demonstration is:

To move a car it’s easier to a) have the car on wheels b) pull.

Trying to push a car by standing next to it is difficult. To make it easier you would have to: -

a) make a run up to the car to gain momentum and thus extra energy (to transfer this to the standing object)

b) bend your body backwards with your arms close to you to create enough ‘body momentum’ a build up of kinetic energy to push the car.

Therefore to move a car it’s easier to a) have the car on wheels b) pull c) build up momentum first.

Outside In

Personal change follows the same principles of physics as the example of the car. If you’d compared and contrasted your experiences earlier – one of the aspects you would have noticed is the difference in movement and energy.

Think of it this way. What is something that you want, desire and know you can get and are already working towards getting it and you love doing the things you need to do to get it.

What you’d find with this would be:

1) You’d have a lot of energy – you’d feel motivated (this is the result of energy, momentum)

2) Your internal image/s are as a movie

3) Your internal voice would be faster, higher in pitch

4) Your physical movements like gestures and facial expressions would be faster, animated and fluid

You have increased the kinetic energy of your ability to achieve your success. And the more energy and movement you have the greater the success.

Still No Success

Achievement and success does not happen by being still – Idol hands produce no work.

What we know about change and success is that movement is key to it.

Do this for a moment. Put your head down to your right and slowly say the words “I’m depressed” Do this 10 or so times and notice how you feel.

Now stand up and shake yourself about and move around the room. You feel different right! More energy, brighter, lighter, alert.

Changing your posture isn’t enough. You need to move right?

Depression, sadness, lacklustre, unmotivated are all symptoms of ‘little-movement’, or stillness.

Trying to change from this state isn’t going to work. You need to build up momentum first.

Money & momentum

I hear so many people today saying “I can’t afford it, its too much” or “I’ll wait until I have the money, then I’ll do it”.

This is ‘still’ thinking. This is the same as the person who’s depressed who wants the change but can’t be bothered to do anything about it and waits for someone to do it for them (the lottery wisher).

The problem here is that they’re too comfortable doing what they’re doing. Their pain isn’t great enough. Or they’ve hidden it from themselves, turned a blind eye. “One day when I win the lottery then I’ll…”. “I’d love to go on a holiday like that”. “I’ll have that Ferrari soon, that’s what I want”.

That’s exactly what they won’t get because a goal, wish or a dream is not enough. The Law of Attraction and Manifestation is B#######S unless you actually ACT – Build the momentum and energy required to get past your ‘CAR’ and get to the other side.

You must release what in physics is called ‘potential energy’ and turn it into ‘kinetic energy’

Moving is the Key

Money and moving

How many times have you seen something that you really Really REALLY want but can’t afford it. It’s too much. It’s way too much. But you know that once you get it what a difference it’s going to make to you and you just can’t stop thinking about it. What do you do?

Forget ab0ut it? naahhh

Say – “Well I’ll just wait until the price drops”. naaaah

You do anything you can to get it right. You start finding ways to sell things, work extra hours, borrow from friends, put it on credit.

You go into overdrive – you even buy it now knowing that you’ll find a way to pay for it later. ‘Buy Now Pay Later’

How good did it feel to get what you want?

Scary huh? How the “H#ll am I going to pay this off” I bet you said.

You know what – I bet you did. I bet you found a way – didn’t you. To pay it off so you could make yourself afford it.

You rose to the occasion (that word is important ‘rose’ it implies movement), raised your hand (listen to the words – it’s in your vocabulary too – ‘raised’ is another one) and went and got what you wanted and figured out how to pay for it later. You created your own success. You know how to do it, you just need to connect with it more.

You created your own momentum and energy.

You created your own change with ease.

You created your own success.

You did it the natural way.

You can do it.

It’s yours…

to keep.

Keep moving, its how you get what you want.

The final question

Ask yourself this final question.

What’s your life like now?

A Kite riding the Wind

or

A Kite caught in the Tree?

There’s only one thing that stops you…

In the next post I’ll be revealing what this is.

Enjoy

Rob

P.S. What have been your experiences. Write to me below.

15
Sep 10

Innovative Change

Rob Ballentine Featured 0 Comments

Category: Featured

Toms 10 Facts of Life

Failure of Exercise & Dieting – NLP and Weightloss

Exercise & Dieting

A failure in weight loss and health