How to read this ‘document of fear and change’
When you read this you’ll find there are some things that’ll resonate directly with you and others won’t. Find what fits for you. I suggest you don’t skim this. Read it and digest the parts that will make sense for you. Answer the questions inside with honesty and don’t flirt with them and then ignore them. This article is about to change you forever…are you scared? 😉
The Fear –
What if what you’re afraid of is a lot more pervasive and in fact obvious than you thought? What if I were to tell you that this fear you think you’ve hidden so well, in truth stands so clearly in front of you like an obelisk, testament to its existence and in plain sight, daytime and in dreamtime.
Staring BackIn fact the clarity of your deepest fear stares back at you daily with every task, every action and thought you make.
In truth, you’re not alone, in truth, you’re just like me. In truth this is the human condition. And in truth, it is the constant ravage of this fear that for those that seek it out and work with it –
What is this fear?
The fear that I‘m referring to is probably not one you’re likely to think of. It has no eyes, no legs, in fact it can’t fly and it most certainly has nothing to do with big or small spaces. It does however affect us all and it goes by the name of … wait for it … lights…drum roll…..
“Whew” I hear you all say.. “Is THAT it… I thought it was going to be some big monster of a fear”
“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are”. don Miguel Ruis. Toltec Teacher
As don Miguel puts it, death is not our biggest fear, but the risk to be alive. This risk to be alive is to change.
I know it doesn’t sound much, in fact, it’s almost laughable!
Remember that saying – ‘laugh in the face of fear’. Trust me I did when I first thought about it. But then I thought about it allot more and you know what? When you really do think about it, it absolutely makes sense.
Let me explain.
Seeking Balance – why its so hard
Our bodies and our minds resist change. They resist with a vengeance.
A mountain climber knows that as they climb in altitude so the body has to adjust to the changing conditions in air pressure and oxygen levels. This causes resistance on the body as it fights to adjust to this change.
The exertion of the climber increases as the altitude changes. Soon the climber has to reach a point to stop; base camp. Here the body is given time to re-adjust and re-normalise itself given the conditions it’s under. Too quick an ascent, altitude sickness, too slow, the motivation to continue ebbs and wanes.
Seeking BalanceIf you didn’t know our bodies seek balance. In Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Math’s and even Art we know that life seeks balance. It seeks a state of stability.
You see even the great dieting, exercise and stopping smoking all take ‘time’ until we find the new balance, the new stable state. If ever you’ve been to the gymn it takes about 12 weeks until you need to change your programme because the muscles have re-balanced to the weights and regime. So in order to encourage muscle growth and strength, you need to ‘change’ your programme. But your body doesn’t like it. You don’t like it, because it’s new resistance again. But the results are worth it; aren’t they?
The same for dieting, it takes about 12 weeks to notice significant change, and then there’s the plateau period where everything just seems to stop.
The ‘Why did I bother’ Syndrome – When motivation seeks the beer and tv
You see, it’s this period of acclimatisation to the change that is the time of intense frustration when we wonder why we bothered in the first place. This is also the place where most people just stop, they give up and throw the towel in. Think back to when you were learning something and it just seemed like you’d never get it, and then…. same drum roll… you got it, it all made sense. Because you carried on through this ‘dead zone’.
This is the time when the learning and stabalisation of state has taken place. It is during this time that your unconscious is processing the learning’s, re-adjusting and re-stablalising the body back to normality.
….this is ‘the other side of the fence’.
Wasted Years – the want and loss
However – On this side of the fence is the fear.
Most of us have the mind to lose weight, make more money, stop smoking or drinking, go to the gymn, be more confident, have that self-worth, stop being depressed or anxious, be more motivated or have the self-confidence and will-to-succeed etc. You know the constant ravages of being human!!
These are just some of the demands we constantly face and put on ourselves each day. The need and want to change, to be different, to have that extra something.
If you think I’m making this all up just go read every magazine at your local newsagents. These are a fair representation of what the population wants and desires. The need to ‘BE’ someone or someone else, or have something else…
…this represents difference between ‘now and to have’. Which is my friend…drum roll again please…
ok ok ok OK – i hear you… “Well how is ‘change’ a fear?” come on, it’s just something we do. Right?
To Lose is Greater Than To Have – or is it?
You see, regardless of what ‘ails you’, your fear, your true fear, IS the change. It’s the change from what you know, what you’re comfortable with, what you do habitually and what you do everyday.
Because what you’re afraid of, what stops you is what you think you’ll lose.
I want to lose weight “but then I’ll never be able to eat chocolate cake”
I want to make loads of money and be financially independent “but then I’ll have to take more responsibility”
I want to stop smoking “but what happens if I’m out at the pub?”
You probably eat the same foods each week; you check your weight regularly to see if it’s changed. You say you’ll give up after that last cigarette; you do, but then start again. The diet books adorn your bookshelves as well as the books on love and self-growth, making more money, spiritual resonance, being one with god, my parents f**cked me up, NLP, Counseling, The Secret, I Can Make You Thin – Confident – Stop Smoking – Sleep, Hypnosis, this and that therapy, EST, EFT,ABC, XYZ, how to have fun in 1 minute, etc etc. Its like your bookshelf has become the Sony Playstation of change that stayed the same.
It’s Not You!Hey don’t think I’m picking on you, you’re not the only one…
In fact, this is a 17 billion dollar industry… and we’ve all ‘BOUGHT ‘ into this lifestyle of ‘change’.
I’m a junkie and can’t help it.
‘NO that’s not true’ I hear you cry out. I change, I love change, I change all the time, I’ve had change, I’ve lost the weight, become more motivated, feel better about myself …
Sure I know, but change is a constant and its arch enemy is ‘stability’. But change will never go away, it’s a constant battle. It’s this constant pull and push to change that it is to be human.
Yes please, but really – no thanks!
I get a lot of people who come to me for coaching and on our free courses who say they want change. They come well intentioned. But stop and go no further.
The Fear of Fear is to Be Feared more Fearfully
Sometimes the reality of being faced with actually getting what they want is more of a fear than the problems they face in the present. Crazy isn’t it? But this is so true. Fear of failure or fear of success.
Fear of Success!!!???? Are people mad… apparently.. But it’s not the fear of success, but the fear of losing what they know, because what they don’t know IS what it will really be like IF they achieved their dream… because they internally experience that their life will be different, different enough to what they are used to.
THIS IS THE PROBLEM….
The reason why so many people have unfinished books or shelves with so many different ‘right ways to do x’ do so to a) appease themselves that they have at least ‘done something about it’ (These are the arm chair experts) and b) because …it’s here the fear lays.
It’s here that the will to change is sucked by the need to stay the same.
The heart wants what the head won’t allow because there’s something that keeps them where they are…
Time For A Lesson In Science
You see anything you try to shift or do or change is going to be met by resistance. This is natural, this is physics, Newtons 1st law. ‘Uh oh scientifically proven credibility statement coming’
1st “An object at rest tends to stay at rest, or if it is in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by a sum of physical forces.”
This means that if you’re sitting down, you’ll stay sitting down until you stand. To stand the effort required must equal or be greater than the sum of your mass, gravity and friction. Therefore it’s easier to stay seated.
This is the same for change. It’s easier to stay where you are, tell yourself that you ‘want change’, make gestures of goodwill and act as if you are doing the change.
You know the cheaper lighter options. “I’ll cut out the chocolates, there that’ll do” – You know it won’t. We all know that change requires effort, work and literally ‘a’ change from what you do today.
Not Another Course – in miracles we hope
The reason why 99.99% of people never get what they want is that they give up or don’t start because ‘THEY’RE APPARANTLY HAPPY WITH WHERE THEY ARE’ but they still try and convince everyone about how much they want the change and how much they’ve already tried!
Truthfully, how many courses have you attended, books have you read DVD or MP3 programmes have you followed and not completed. How much have you already spent and still not got what you wanted? Hey, don’t get me wrong, you’re certainly not alone in this…
But the real question is, do you do anything about it? I mean do you really? Be honest with yourself. It’s your life. You only have one, there’s no second chance, and this isn’t a dress rehearsal is it. You can hide from the naked truth or see it for what it is. Your human it’s who you are BUT you can change. You can get what you want.
Hey I’m not even talking about coming onto our NLP Practitioner courses or trying to convince you of that. I’m here; I’ve been through it, done it, got the t-shirt and still fall foul of this human condition. But I’m aware of it and I act to adjust myself to it and change with the change.
You see the ugly truth is that you’ll always resist change for the rest of your life AND
Saving Grace. getting all holy
The saving grace is that on the other side of the fence after the change, lays pretty much the same, but different. The expectancy of loss diminishes far greater with the gains received from the change.
For if you’ve lost that weight or stopped smoking or changed beliefs that limited you and now make you happier, then you know that the change was the best thing that could ever have happened to you. You broke the barrier of the fear.
It’ll never go, but it somehow becomes easier the more you do it and the saving grace is being able to recognise it.
And so there are two things left to say.
1) Change will always confront you as a fear
2) You seek stability
So go with the change and enjoy the plataeu and the stability. SEEK Change and Master it. Enjoy it when you get it.
Because now you can recognise that when you seem to be struggling to get what you want and you stop turn around, give up or take the ‘easy route’ this is the fear kicking in again.
Make it your ally. Ask what it wants. Turn the fear into a friend and do it anyway. You’ve done it before you can do it again.
My last statement to you is this.
No matter what change you desire, how big or small ask yourself this question.
Are you worth it?
If you answer yes. Then do it anyway.
Make sure you answer it truthfully too. It’s your life. Have a good one.
Happy Hunting 🙂
P.S. Hey as always leave me a comment and tell me what ya’ think.
P.P.S. Now you’ve learnt something new, now you’ve ‘changed’. Were you scared? See, you can do it!
So…if you also want to know how to make change an ally and to enjoy the change once you’ve got it, understand the nature of fear from failure to success…
(And let’s be truthful here…
the most successful people and the ones just about everyone envies and I don’t just mean celebs or rich people,
but people that are just ‘bloody happy’ with their life do one thing
that 99% of the population don’t or never do.)
THEY TAKE ACTION! And DO it AnyWay.
Find out about our next NLP Practitioner Course ‘Journey to Freedom’ and take that ACTION now and be a part of the 1% of the people that are ‘bloody happy!’
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850