Why do some therapists feel in such a good state after their client has left, or at the end of the working day and others don’t? The difference - Our Personal boundaries and state.

In this article we will explore what these boundaries are, how they can seemingly merge with our clients and how to discriminate between our clients boundaries, state and our own.

What are Boundaries of the Self?

Our boundaries are the relational aspects of ourselves that let you know when you are you and not someone else. They can be either the contextual or physiological cues that let you re-enter yourself, you, who you are at the deep core.

Have you ever had the experience “I sound like my mother/father” or “That was not a behaviour of mine but that of my friend or colleague, it wasn’t me?” Perhaps it was just a simple gesture, phrase or facial expression that you know was uncharacteristic of who you are, something that took you out of your self and into someone else. It can be known as ‘Second Position Modelling’ or ‘Deep Trance Identification’.

Children and impressionists are very adept at this skill; they are able to mimic another's behaviour. However, unlike a child an impressionist will have created contextual cues to know how to enable him/her to return to themselves. They can be as simple as “when on stage I can be whomever” or “when I walk off the stage I give myself a shake and return to me”. These serve as contextual cues and anchors.

This skill in children is not learnt but is inherent in our neurological makeup. In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) this mimicking is called Modelling or going to ‘Second Position’.

Some therapists, like the impressionists, are adept at ‘Second Position’. Their ability to step into another's shoes and experience what the client is experiencing; as the adage goes “Don’t judge another until you have walked a mile in their shoes”!

In NLP the Second Position is the perceptual experience from another's position or point of view, ‘as if’ you were experiencing what they are seeing, hearing and feeling. These are also known as ‘Perceptual Positions’ or as Gregory Bateson stated in ‘Steps to an Ecology of Mind’, ‘Triple Description’. Triple Description is the ability to describe any interaction or scenario from three points of view or three ‘positions’, which are:

First Position: The position from your own perspective, that is, You, I.

Second Position: The position from another's perspective, that is Him, Her, Them

Third Position: The position of the observer, observing the interaction or scene from the outside.

Triple Description allows a therapist, during a treatment, to gather information from more sources than using only one of these positions would allow.

It is interesting to note that the suffering of traumatic incidents (mental or physical) generally levitates people to occupy the Third Position so as to disassociate themselves from their feelings of trauma. This enables them to remove the pain. A successful intervention will normally allow the client to re-associate back into their First Position with a new set of skills and abilities for having resolved their trauma. For example, in some physical therapies there have been many reports of clients ‘releasing’ emotional trauma when the physical trauma is resolved. Mind and body are relational.

Second Position is an extremely useful tool in gathering information about a client and is commonly known as ‘empathising’ with the clients situation ‘as if’ you were them; but it is not just a cognitive process. Second Position can highlight possible causes of trauma to the therapist that the client is unaware or unwilling to talk about.

Those who naturally gravitate towards Second Position will generally find themselves in the caring professions such as counselors, psychotherapists or other therapeutic occupations. However, it is important to note that having the ability to take a good Second Position does not automatically render someone a good therapist. If they are unable to successfully use the information gained to help their client then Second Position becomes a redundant skill.

It is vital that therapists utilising Second Position learn to reject this position safely after a treatment (as discussed in the next newsletter).

Third Position is a vital skill used by Doctors and Surgeons - they would not want to be feeling the same pain as their patient when operating! Other professions that use Third Position include Soldiers, Dentists and Negotiators.

First Position occupations can include dancers, body-workers, athletes, martial arts and company directors. Though it is important not to generalise, as each role when performed successfully will involve a healthy mix of the Triple Description utilised during certain operations or phases of its role. Each context will propose what perceptual position to occupy more than a particular profession. Take a moment and consider a time when you had a successful intervention and notice which of the positions you occupied. Was it First or Second Position? Maybe it was all three. In which sequence did these positions occur? Compare the difference to a time when perhaps it was not so successful or that you felt drained afterwards or had a headache etc. What is the difference between these two treatments?

As human beings, we share the same neuro physiological makeup. We have a nervous system that continually processes information between ourselves and our environment. This information is reduced to meaning, that is, the cognitive understanding of our world around us. Our personal history is created through the extraction of meaning from experience in how we talk about and interact with the people around us and yourself.

Though we share the same world, we see and experience it differently to each other. We agree upon generalisations to create mutual agreement with which to allow communication and socialisation to happen. These generalisations are limited by the environments we occupy in our lives. Some generalisations apply cross- culturally; we share the same meaning e.g. when our lips are stretched into our cheeks, our teeth showing and a ‘glint’ in the eye, we share the meaning of this by translating it internationally as ‘smiling’ and in turn can relate this to the state of ‘happiness’. Experience is terminated at the production of language and meaning. The sharing and occupation of the same world and similar experiences allows us the ability to understand how someone else may feel if we were in their shoes. We are able to empathise, communicate and build relationships from this.

The commonality of experience and the ability to ‘go to’ Second Position (empathise) allows for the creation and expansion of our map of the world; we are thus able to create a fairly accurate understanding of someone else’s circumstances.

The physiological considerations of Second Position involve the matching and mirroring of another's physiology (posture and gestures), breathing and vocal qualities (volume, tempo, pitch and words).

Therapists can account for symptoms such as headaches, tiredness etc. after a treatment through the over extension of Second Position with a client. The therapist without knowing, takes on the clients position or state, and captures their trauma. This trauma is then reconstructed within the therapist (i.e. headaches, tiredness etc). The value of Second Position is realised when a clean re-entry into First Position is achieved.

Consider this case example:

David enters the room; his mood is calm and relaxed. Michelle is in the room suffering prolonged acute back pain. She is tense, quiet, frustrated and upset. David naturally enters into Second Position with Michelle and his state begins to change. He finds himself beginning to feel a little tense and tired and does not know how to change his state. Michelle leaves the room and David is left feeling down with a headache coming on.

The converse can also happen and if the therapist is not feeling well, but the client is happy, then the happy client can leave the treatment and start feeling down without knowing the cause. The value of Second Position lies in having the sensory skill to notice when there is a change in state and having the ability to shift back into First Position, back into ‘You’.

Second Position as a Bowen Therapist is extremely valuable as it can highlight symptoms within a client that the client is either unaware of or does not wish to discuss. This in turn enables the therapist to make a more structured and appropriate diagnosis, leading to correct treatment.

The simplicity of changing state and moving out of Second Position arises from mismatching the other persons physiology, vocal patterns and then shifting to the posture/s which are your first position.

It is important for a therapist to have the skill to a) notice (sensory acuity) when their state has changed and b) know how to cleanly shift out of Second Position.

When you are next with a client, look at your posture and listen to your voice, are you matching or mirroring them? What state are you in before your client arrives?

What can you do to maintain your state and get back to First Position? Do you have any rituals you perform or perhaps can you think of one which can help you re-enter First Position?

Some people may just take a deep breath and fold their arms or sit back in the chair, others may think of a particular memory that lets them know they are themselves.

In the next article "Triple Description" we will provide actual steps for you to learn the skill of Second Position and deepen your rapport including:

• How to successfully create a Triple Description

• Learn how to deepen rapport with Second Position

• Create ‘anchors’ to access First Position anytime, anywhere

• Use intuition through Second Position

• Know when, where and how to use Triple Description for a successful and vitalising treatment.